Project_M: Feedback

[Jatsko]

I needed consolement, so I grabbed my phone and contacted my girlfriend.

Not the cops? Did they ever move the bodies out of the house by the end of the chapter, or are they still there as you and your girlfriend are cuddled up watching TV? XD

[Sundex]

Stupid actions lead to horrible consequences.

I needed consolement so I[...]contacted my girlfriend.

This is the action, but what is the consequence?

[Anteroinen]

... necrophilia?

[Sundex]

umm... unique guess... but you'll see on my birthday.

[Sundex]

Welp, I am kind of late (I was coping with the repeal. DON'T JUDGE). Either way, chapter 5 is now posted!

[Jatsko]

... necrophilia?

Ant can you...stop being yourself for one second or two please

[Prupp]

I thought that that was what everybody read into that

[Anteroinen]

I thought that that was what everybody read into that

Have I been vindicated or what?

[Jatsko]

y'all weird

Anyway, to get back on topic, I'll say that in general, at least to me it's not really scary if you introduce a character (like your girlfriend) and you establish over a paragraph or two that you love each other, and then immediately turn around and all of a sudden, welp, she's dead. Yeah that sucks, but there's not really any buildup or detailing so therefore I have no emotional investment or anything that would produce distinct feelings of horror.

The pace of the whole thing is actually moving very quickly, and when that happens the reader doesn't have time to get settled in and attach to anything that might heighten feelings of horror later down the road. And I can sort of understand that, as a lot of times when I write I feel like I can be writing forever and then when I'm done I only wrote a page, and I know like a lot of people I can read much faster than I can write. SO I would suggest after you're done, ,step back and reread and pay attention to the pacing of how everything's going.

- Monika's Writing Tip of the Day

Add: Oh also, you might want to add the link to the Project_M thread in the first post of this thread, so people can find it easier. With these types of things the feedback threads are usually easier to find than the actual projects themselves. You also won't have to worry about people finding it in the case you decide to change your signature to something else.

[Sundex]

Okay, maybe there is a quick pace now. Hopefully, as I continue this, I can utilize your tip. Thank you!

P.S: If I recall, at least chapter 6 has some details that slow the pace down a slight bit, but I'll see if I can slow pace wherever I can.