Joined: 09 Sep 2015 18:39
I was going to publish this on April 27th, 2017. The day of my anniversary of joining this community ten years ago. But given circumstances, I thought I would publish it earlier and leave earlier than planned. Yes I was going to leave this community for good on my anniversary, go out the same way I came in. A comment.
But this is more than a comment its... a message from my soul if that makes any sense.
I've spent ten years here. I've created theories, I've helped build the submachine wiki, I have a room in Subnet, I helped with the Submachine Series (metal plate for example), I've been moderator, I've done quite a few bad things here and there, but then I've done quite a few good things here and there.
I started commenting on the Pastel Stories blog, made my way to Revolutions, that died and I made my way to Bbpress. Did you know, I was member #2? There's no way of proving it now, everything is gone. Since I was member #2, Mateusz gave me a custom avatar that he drew himself. It was that one I had for a short while last year and this year, up until my recent avatar.
At some point I became moderator, evil edits... I became admin of the wiki. I put a lot of hours and went through a few keyboards and computers... building and expanding that.
And then something happened... 2011. I just go beserk. Not a lot of reason for it. I stepped down as moderator at the request of my friend Paranormal. And after some fiascos, I was banned.
I wasn't expecting that, but it happened. I don't remember much of what happened between 2012 and 2014.
Then in 2015 I make my return... here. I become moderator again, and try to help out. Try to bury the past, and gain... appreciation.
But I get none... And that hurts. It really does. I know it seems sappy to end this comment on a pitiful note, but this is something I need to say.
I'm tired of the lack of appreciation. I really am. I know I've done some bad things. I know I've done some good things, but it seems everyone here only cares about the bad. I never get praise and comments when I create a theory, or help out with the wiki, or help out with the forum, nobody praises me for anything.
All they fucking care about is when I tell someone to go be an asshole somewhere else. And that honestly hurts me. It hurts my soul. It hurts to know that nobody really cares about me, they don't care about the GOOD I have done and they only care about the BAD.
This community lives in the past. Stuck in the past. Feeds off the past. I say get over it. That shit happened what, 5 years ago? And you still... feed into it.
If Soullock had such an issue with what happened 5 years ago, do you think he'd let me here?
Do you think if Vortex had such an issue with what happened 5 years ago, he'd let me be here?
If the MAN HIMSELF... Mateusz Skutnik had such an issue with me being here... would he have answered my question of what is behind the metal plate, restored my 523 room, confirmed my 523 expansion?
I know I'm not wanted here. I've seen a few of you make comments about me elsewhere, off this forum. I've seen at least two of you on here, make comments, and then delete them hoping I don't see them.
But I do.
I see a lot. And I know a lot. And I hurt a lot. Because... I'm not appreciated.
So what is a Anonymous1 to do when he doesn't feel appreciated? He leaves. Gives people what they want. I just hope its what you want. Because that is what you are getting.
Root request - exit